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Watch this segment live on FITM this Monday, September 11th between 8:00 and 8:30.
Background: One basic parental consideration involves the implementation of chores. Although most parents assign chores to their children sometime during their development, there is variability as to what age this should begin and what particular chores are appropriate for children at various ages. The assignment of chores for children helps to develop three basic fundamentals: self-responsibility; independence, and teamwork.
Although invaluable, it is important to consider two factors before introducing chores to children. These factors include: 1) the child's developmental capacity; and 2) how the type of chore chosen will effect the child's feelings and attitude. Considering developmental capacity, it is important not to ask a child to perform any task that they are not yet developmentally capable of performing. Doing so will create a sense of inferiority, guilt, and shame. Fundamentally, most children are not capable of performing any routine chore until the later side of early childhood (5 to 6 years or age) and if a parent desires a child of this age to have chores, they must be very simple and easy to perform. Furthermore, at this age, most often the parent has to frequently remind their child to do the task and often needs to help them complete them. Typically, tasks such as cleaning up after themselves and making their bed, are two of the most common beginning chores assigned by parents. As children become older and more developmentally functional, parents can then introduce new tasks for completion, but need to at first help their child become accustomed to the chore and help them get used to the change.
Regarding the type of chore chosen by the parent, it is important not to pick chores that involve the following: 1) preparing complicated meals for themselves; 2) chores involving activities that could lead to a very negative outcomes; and 3) performing chores that are very upsetting (i.e. cleaning up after animals on a routine basis). Chores are designed to help children learn to become more independent and self-responsible, but are not to replace the function of good parenting which involves primary caretaking, protecting children, and being sensitive to their strong feelings.
"Should parents reward for chores?" The answer to this question is yes. Most children will initially resist doing chores for a number of different reasons, but once they witness their accomplishment, tend to feel good about themselves. Parents who commend their children with encouraging words such as "I'll bet that felt great to you to see you could do that", help their child develop an inner world of self-praise. Establishing an allowance is also fine and gives the child something to look forward to and allows them the opportunity to use some of their own money to buy little items that reinforce their personal accomplishments.
Over time, the type of chores can gradually mature and should meet the developmental progression of the child. If done in this fashion, the parent is helping their child become more self-functional and promoting a sense of self-efficacy. In the end, the child learns both how to better self-manage and also the importance of working together with their family as a unit which ideally gets passed along to the next generation.
Dr. Keith Kanner
Show Host
Your Family Matters
Fox6 News - San Diego
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About drkanner
Dr. Kanner is a Licensed Clinical Child, Adolescent, and Adult Psychologist and Psychoanalyst with a full time private practice in Rancho Santa Fe, California. He is also an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry in the School of Medicine at U.C. San Diego and a Clinical Instructor and Supervisor at the San Diego Psychoanalytic Society and Institute. Recently, he has become the Director of Clinical Counseling for La Jolla Country Day School and has been named to the National Board of Directors for KidsKorps, USA. He continues as a Consultant for many public and private schools in San Diego and has also received distinguished teaching awards over the past seven years. He is a published author and a sought after speaker on topics pertaining to childhood, adolescence, and parenthood. He is also presently writing a book for Fox based on his show, Your Family Matters.
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