Graduating & Leaving Home: Tips for Students & Their Parents:
I. Introduction:
Graduating from high school involves much more than just
finishing a grueling four years of hard work preparing for a movement
to college.
On graduation day, all high school seniors will not only receive
a much earned diploma, but will also graduate from one developmental
phase of life, Adolescence, to a new level, namely, Young Adulthood.
Each developmental stage involves tasks needed to complete in
order to move on to the next one, and then each new level offers
challenges and ideals.
Although most graduating seniors consciously feel
excited about the new
quests ahead and look forward to greater freedom, two very important
other emotions also manifest that are sometimes overshadowed by the
exciting ones.
These include mourning, or sadness, concerning the loss of familiar objects such as friends, school, home, and even parents, and then
anxiety about new challenges and changes just ahead in the Fall.
The degree to which each individual experiences, contemplates,
and talks through these emotions, the smoother the transition to
college and Young Adulthood.
II. Excitement:
Each graduating student should feel very proud of him or herself
from making it through one of the most difficult phases in his or her
lives.
Not only have each of them experienced challenging academia, but
have also been introduced to other important life-skill attributes such
as cultural awareness, character differences, individual thinking, and
I hope, compassion for others.
Taken together, these fundamentals have fortified each with
plenty of internal resources to succeed beyond high school and is why
many, if not most of are much looking forward to going off to college
in the fall and feel very confident about the road ahead.
III.
Mourning or Sadness:
On the other end of the spectrum are normal feelings of sadness about leaving familiar friends and conditions.
You and your friends have been partners together over the last four years, or longer,
and many of you feel closer to your friends then your parents.
Therefore, leaving for college involves not only leaving “home”
but also your friends and daily comfortable activities that you have
been able to master and use to help keep you centered on a daily basis.
Comparing crazy parents, nagging siblings, ridiculous rules, and
helping each other cope with the difficult balance of school and a
social life have been daily endeavors that have solidified an identity
that has been both successful yet familiar.
IV.
Anxiety:
Fear of the unknown is the basic premise of the graduating Senior and incoming Freshman going off to college.
Leaving the comforts of home including conditions such as cooked meals,
a laundry service, a familiar and
comfortable room and surroundings, predictable family and school
conditions, although never perfect, are routine and accountable.
Going off to college represents for many the first experience of
being away from home for any extended period of time and involves
having to independently manage everything from school to socialization
without one’s parent being available in person to help. To complicate matters further, aside
from having to become one’s own independent manager, the task is also
conducted in a new and unfamiliar environment.
For example, many Seniors will be attending college on the east
coast having to adjust to a very different climate as well as all of
the other novelties that college will offer.
Fear, homesickness, and sometimes even second thoughts about going off to college are all normal reactions to this process.
The students who have had successful experiences with
independence, self management, and personal successfulness, tend to be
less anxious than those who have struggled to self-manage their high
school lives.
II. Preparing To Leave:
When
the following criteria are considered ahead of time, the adaptation
process to college tends to proceed as well as possible when compared
to others who do not think through the important changes ahead.
a. Anticipating Change:
Thinking ahead to how to manage greater independence and self-reliance is essential for leaving and adapting to college.
Contemplating everything from how to get oneself up in the
morning for an early class, to doing laundry, and balancing a social
life with studying
are very important mental exercises to consider before even setting foot onto campus.
Obviously, once at college these activities become incorporated
into a routine, but it does not hurt to think about such events over
the summer to get prepared.
b. Anticipate Homesickness:
Even though many are “ready to leave” and may even be counting
the days, any new situation brings back fond memories of the old days
at home and at school.
It may take as long as six months to fully adjust to the novelty
of a new campus, classes, and routines, and frequent calls or even
visits home during the first year of college are expected.
Arranging on how to keep in touch with old friends, asking your
parents not to give away your room, and bringing important tokens from
home are all ways to manage missing home and familiarity.
c. Learn How To Manage New Tasks:
The summer before college is a good time to brush up on activities that one may not be familiar in doing, such as laundry.
There is no shame in asking mom or even your housekeeper to give
you the basics in separating whites from colors and even learning some
basic cooking skills if you plan to keep a microwave in your dorm room.
Also, if you feel as though you may need some study skill
assistance, many graduating seniors seek some consultation over the
summer to prepare for college-level note taking and test preparation.
d. Arrange Your Finances:
This is the time to sit down with your parents and work out how
money is going to be managed while you are going to be in college.
Moving your checking account to a branch in the city of your new
college is always a good idea when it comes to cashing checks and
getting money directly from the bank.
Talk with your parents about also having a credit card to help
with big purchases, such as books, and also think about some sort of
budget.
Parents appreciate when their children approach them with some
sort of initial plan of how much money they think they may need on a
weekly or monthly basis.
e. Give Yourself Time To Adjust:
The hardest part about the first year of college is NOT
typically the academics, but the environmental adjustment to being away
from home.
Alternating feelings of excitement mixed with some sadness and
some mild anxiety are the common feelings experienced during Freshman
year.
When one does not prepare for these experiences and manage them
well-enough, conditions such as excessive drug and alcohol usage, poor
or failing grades, and general unhappiness can occur.
In the most extreme cases, some Freshman end up dropping out for
they were not psychologically or physically prepared for the many
changes that college introduces.
f.
A Note About Your Parents and Siblings:
If your parents are like most, they are having a reaction to you leaving as well.
Most parents are both proud or your accomplishments, yet sad that you will be going away.
After all, they have been living with you for the past 17 to 18 years, and your absence will be noticed on a daily basis.
Do not be surprised if your parents also fluctuate from being
happy to moody as they too are making internal adjustments to your
upcoming departure.
In many cases, the leaving college student often has to reassure
their parents that everything is going to be fine and that they will
see you during the holidays.
Allowing them to help you initially set up your dorm room is a
way to also help them adjust to the change and accept your leaving.
Regarding your siblings, they will probably be ambivalent.
On the one hand, they have had their eye on your room for the past year or so, but on the other, they will also miss you.
After all, with you gone, they now become the focus of your parents!
Dr. Keith Kanner
Host
Your Family Matters Show
Fox6 News
San Diego Living Show
