Be sure to watch Dr. Kanner discuss this topic this Monday, September 29th @ 8:20am on San Diego6 News In The Morning. In addition, Dr. Kanner also begins his new position as one of "America's Top Docs" an "Extra Life Changer" next Friday evening, October 3rd on EXTRA which airs at 8pm. Be sure to tune in and watch our own Dr. Kanner on National TV.
Background: One of the common parental complaints is when their children either interrupt them or others whether in private or in public. Interrupting stems from two areas, one developmental, and the other emotional. Developmentally, for most children ages 2 through 5, learning rules such as waiting to take a turn is not an automatic process and takes time and guidance to help them learn common courtesy and respect which is new to their young minds. The other cause is emotional whereby, interrupting is a result from a child either desiring attention or is feeling as if they are not understood well-enough by whomever they are speaking with. This also relates to when a child repeats him or herself – another attempt to communicate that they do not feel heard the first time or are disappointed with the response from the parent. This is often following by the child stating “you don’t understand me”. The other emotional cause of interrupting is when a child is hungry for their parent’s attention and interprets their parent’s investment in others as a rejection or lack of interest. This is especially true for working parents where many young children misinterpret that they would rather be at work then spend time with them. My own son told me that he was convinced that I did not have to work, because he thought I could just get money out of the ATM machine any time I wanted. At 5, he had a difficult time understanding that I had to work to be able to put money into the ATM in order to get it out when needed. From his standpoint, work was more important to me then him. Once I attempted to explain why people have to work, and that money does not “grow out of ATM machines”, he felt better, but I felt horrible that he had been under the impression that working was more important to me then spending time with him.
Children by nature are very sensitive to their parent’s attention to their words and feelings, and the invested parent needs to spend that essential time paying direct attention to their child when they are asking to be heard. This is especially true if their child is having a problem. Granted, this cannot happen at times immediately, at least the parent needs to carve out some “direct attention time” that is fully dedicated to their child without distraction. When this happens on a regular basis, interrupting decreases which lowers the stress for both the child and parent alike. Below are some tips to help parents optimize their attention time with their children.
1. When you child wants to talk, make the time and give them your full attention if possible.
2. When listening, get down to their level and maintain direct eye contact.
3. Be interested, alert, non-distracted, and empathic.
4. If they catch you at a time when you cannot give them that “undivided attention”, make a date with them as soon as possible and don’t forget.
Children, like adults, take mental notes of how people interrelate with them. Parents get bonus points with their children when the child picks up on a genuine interest from their parent towards them even if such attention cannot be immediate. As such bonus points add up, interrupting decreases and the child feels both understood, cared for, and also develops the capacity to delay gratification as long as the parent eventually and quickly follows through with their promise to attend to their emotional needs.

Dr. Keith Kanner l Morning Show Host
Your Family Matters
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8253 Ronson Road, San Diego, CA 92111
San Diego Living Show
(619) 261.2346 / Dr.Kanner@sandiego6.com
