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Watch Dr. Kanner discuss this topic on Monday, May 11th @ 8:20am on San Diego 6 News In The Morning.
Background:
I asked one of my adolescent patients yesterday if he had been
thinking about summer vacation and he very quickly responded with "in
28 days, 7 hours, and 13 minutes, i'm free!". Obviously, summer had
been on his mind, as it is for most if not all school-age, middle
school, and high school students who are "gutting out" the last month or
so of their school year. Given his excitement, I had to ask how he was
doing with his grades and he proudly expressed that he was still
getting all A's even with vacation on his mind. Curiously, I
inquired as to what was keeping him going and he told me 3 things:
"encouragement, incentive, and fear".
From the "encouragement side", he
explained that both his friends and parents were supporting the
difficult balance of taking school seriously with the excitement of summer around the
corner, but knowing that both his friends were in the same boat, and
even his parents expressed their empathy of having to stay focused with
the advent of vacation in reach.
"Incentive" he told me was communicated
in two ways. In the first, his mother has been bringing him fresh homemade
cookies while studying which he jokingly told me that he cannot resist.
Although he told me that he sort of feels like a dog being rewarded
for a trick, her approach is working and he is performing. The other
mode of incentive, again introduced by his parents, was a number of
positive events to look forward to over the summer if he keeps his
grades up for this last month. Such included driving lessons, a later
curfew, and even a $100 I-Tunes gift card.
The "fear factor" he
explained was conveyed by his mother that she would basically "kill
him" ( not in a literal sense), if he blew his grades given this is the
second semester of his junior year with college applications
coming up in the Fall. He expressed to me that even though she was
"acting postal", that she did have a point and that her attitude about
this had been consciously on his mind every time he thought about
blowing off his homework.
I asked him which of the 3 factors were the
most helpful to him and he told me it was the cookies, but I think he
may have been reluctant to admit that he was actually more afraid of
his 5'2 cookie yielding mother!
Irrespective of which of the 3 factors are the most effective, the
point is that the method is working and we can learn something from
this example about how to best help children stay focused academically
when a summer vacation is up and coming. Expecting most children or
adolescents to stay focused without some outside influence when
exciting advents are on their mind is a recipe for disaster for their
minds are not yet fully capable of self-managing themselves without the
help of caring and present parents. In my patient's case, his parents
took the initiative of approaching him rather than awaiting a problem
to manifest and it seems that he will complete the school year with a
good feeling about himself and go into summer feeling successful. No
guilt for this young man that he did not give it his all and he will
also develop a sense of earning good things for his efforts.
So, how can we help kids stay on top if their studies with summer
knocking on the door? loving support, limits and boundaries, and lots
of cookies!
Tips To Keep Kids Focused:
1. approach them with an understanding of their plight and be loving
2. find small tokens to keep them focused
3. place incentives ahead of them
4. set limits and boundaries if necessary to help them stay in the game
 Dr. Keith Kanner/ Morning Show Host
Your Family Matters
XETV Bay City Television
San Diego 6 News
San Diego Living Show
8253 Ronson Road, San Diego 92111
ph (619) 261-2346/ (858) 756-3050
drkanner@sandiego6.com
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About drkanner
Dr. Kanner is a Licensed Clinical Child, Adolescent, and Adult Psychologist and Psychoanalyst with a full time private practice in Rancho Santa Fe, California. He is also an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry in the School of Medicine at U.C. San Diego and a Clinical Instructor and Supervisor at the San Diego Psychoanalytic Society and Institute. Recently, he has become the Director of Clinical Counseling for La Jolla Country Day School and has been named to the National Board of Directors for KidsKorps, USA. He continues as a Consultant for many public and private schools in San Diego and has also received distinguished teaching awards over the past seven years. He is a published author and a sought after speaker on topics pertaining to childhood, adolescence, and parenthood. He is also presently writing a book for Fox based on his show, Your Family Matters.
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