Be sure to watch Dr. Kanner discuss this topic live @ 8:20am on San Diego 6 News In The Morning - San Diego's CW
Background: For most parents, being away from their
children is a terrible experience.
Whether the separation is due to divorce, employment, or too many hours
spent in the office, the bonding between a child and a parent is one of life’s
most valuable gifts. Children have needs of their parents, and vice versa. Aside from the value of bonding, the
effect of a parent on a child’s development is very significant where many
children who either do not have or see their parents, often develop a variety
of difficulties both in childhood and then later in life.
But, just how does a parent who
has to be apart from their child or children best demonstrate efforts to both
bond and support the development of their child?
1. Contact
them, rather than wait for them to call you. A common error that many parents make is relying on their
child to pick up the phone or, even these days, text their parent. It is wonderful when this happens, but
kids are busy these days with schoolwork, sports, or friends. Calling their parent, although desired,
sometimes feels like a task or something that they feel “required” to do,
rather than wanting to.
Furthermore, most adolescents will tell you that calling their mom just
isn’t “cool”. When we call them
however, they know we care and they can then blame the conversation on us,
rather than them. This makes them
feel “cool”.
2. Don’t
expect the conversations to be very long.
Children and adolescents are not adults and not capable of carrying on
conversations in the same way adults do.
When a parent gets “hurt” when their child does not talk very long, this
makes the child feel bad and may even make the conversation more strained. So, expect telephone conversations to
be brief, to the point, and not very deep, unless your child wants something
from you.
3. Don’t
ask too many questions. Nobody
likes to be questioned, especially kids.
Rather than asking “how was school”? , make a statement like “I’ll bet
it’s hard going back to school after a fun summer”. Here, the child feels like you are “relating” to them,
rather than just asking some questions.
4. Plan
ahead to see each other, put it on the calendar, and talk about what you will
do together. This gives you and
your child something to look forward to together.
5. Send
as well as talk. Letters, cards,
and even small gifts carry the essence of your love in a symbolic form. Most children hold tightly onto written
correspondences from their parents as do parent when their children make or
send them “masterpieces”.
Given the advent of social media,
communicating through Facebook, Skype, or other computer and internet-based
domains are additional ways of staying close to one’s child when you are unable
to make it home for dinner.
Dr. Keith Kanner/ Morning Show HostYour Family Matters
San Diego 6 News In The Morning
San Diego Living Show
2008 Winner: IMedia Parenting Award for Television - Disney, Inc.
2009 Winner: Man Of The Year In Medicine & Healthcare - ABA
Host/Extra Life Changers - EXTRA TV
XETV l Bay City Television, Inc.
8253 Ronson Road, San Diego, CA 92111
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